Twisted Learning
by ShadowdLynx
Summary: Join Rikku on her quest to find the answer to a question. 'What happens when a mommy and daddy love each other very much' Process of serious editing. Read at your own risk.


Rikku was bored. Bored bored bored, with a capital G. Rikuu paused. 'Wait a minute... according to my spelling lessons, bored is spelled, um, oh poopie, how WAS it spelled!'  
While Rikku contemplated this, a giant cheesewheel snuck up on her. "HIIIIIII!" Lynx gave Rikku a minute to get off the ceiling fan.  
"Geez Lynx, where did you come from!"  
"Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much and find each other physically attractive, something magical happens! ...You look a little lost."  
"Yeah, well, what happens when two people love each other very much?" Lynx looked at her with her mouth open. "Your sixteen and you don't know! What do they teach you guys!" Lynx paused. 'Crap, I can't tell her myself! I would mess it up and scar her for life. Hmm, let's see. My bloody little sword can't really talk and is only supposed to help me when I'm bored, and the dragon-gerbils know next to nothing of human attraction. Okay Lynx, think of a distraction. What have I got in my pocketses...? Isn't that how Gollum speaks? Except from the extra 'es', that's the exact quote from chapter five of The Hobbit.' Lynx now forgot all about the fact she needed to distract Rikku and find Matron or one of the other older girls.  
Rikku was becoming bored. Lynx was staring at the floor, mumbling. Something about how hot some dudes named 'Legless' and 'Orlando Bloom' were. She decided to randomly poke her.  
"AH ORCS! RUN FOR YOUR PATHETIC... oh, it's only you, Rikku. Um, look over there! A distraction!" Rikku turned around as Lynx ran. "Ooo, it's such a pretty distraction. I wanna touch it..." 

"H4! I 4m l337 m4573r! Ph33r m4/r47h, y4!" Wakka exclaimed as he beat Ari's ass at Dynasty Warriors 3, for the 3,453,459,168,712 time.  
"How the hell did you do that! The only one who can beat me is Lynx! How does l33t even tie into Dynasty Warriors?"  
"I dunno. It just does, ya."  
"Nuuuu, I don't wanna lose! We will now play Gran Turismo 3! See if you can dare to beat me!" Ari ran out of the room to go look for it. At least, that was her intent until she fell down the stairs, then went to the kitchen for a soda.  
Wakka sighed. Ari was like a little sister to him, albeit very scary. Complete with the annoyances, and the not accepting he kicked ass. That might of had something to do with the fact he was forced to play so often he got good at it. He looked around for the Final Fantasy X disk and popped it into the console. 'Time to work on blitz strategies.'  
Yuna walked in just as Wakka broke his tie with the Luca Goers. "Yeah man! I knew we could beat them! We must be doing something wrong, ya. Maybe I'm not as encouraging as the in-game Wakka."  
"Hey Wakka, what are you playing"  
"Final Fantasy X. The game we came out of. Right now I'm supposed to be getting ready to fight Sin for one of the last times, but I don't have enough money to buy Yojimbo's services"  
"O...kay"  
"Hey, you want to try? This helps give back story about the stuff we haven't seen, ya."  
"Alright. Seems like fun."  
Half an hour later, Yuna was bordering obsession with the game. "Come on, Tidus! I know you're stronger than that. Let's see some hustle! That Sin spawn isn't that hard! What's wrong with you, pansies!"  
Wakka stared at Yuna. "You are scary when playing video games." She just waved him away without turning around and kept playing. 'Sorta like a zombie.'  
"HEY WAKKA!" Ari popped up next to him looking angry. "What's she doing, when we're supposed to be having that rematch."  
"Um, I wouldn't go near her, ya? She might be a little dangerous."  
"WILL YOU TWO MORONS SHUT UP!" Yuna screamed, punting them out the door. Which was not a good thing for them, for the stairs were very close to the door. When they tried to stand, they lost their balance and fell down a flight of stairs to land at Rikku's feet. "Hello. Why are you on the floor?"  
"Pretty chocobos, don't fly away, fried chicken is yummy," Wakka muttered, reaching towards the imaginary chocobos.  
"I think he got a concussion from falling down the stairs. Yuna's pissy when someone interrupts her game play. Even if you're her cousin, I think she'd murder you."  
"Oh! A question for you I have"  
Ari blinked. "Ohmaga, it's like having Zorn or Thorn, whichever clown bastard it was, right here."  
"What happens when a mommy and daddy love each other very much?" Ari started coughing uncontrollably, and Wakka was just staring at her with bug eyes. "What? Did I say something wrong?"  
"Oh, gee, Rikku, I would love to answer your question, really. But, um, hey look, a distraction!" As Rikku turned around, Ari grabbed the immobile blitzer and ran. "Hey, where did the distraction go? Ari? Wakka? Where did you go?"

Kimahri skipped through the forest, daintly sniffing flowers, and delicately hugging the little forest creatures that weren't so rabid as to try and kill him. He threw his basket behind a tree when he heard someone crashing through the underbrush. He stood next to a tree and stared out at nothing. "Hey, Kimahri, there you are! I have a question!" The Ronso looked down at Rikku. "What happens when a mommy and daddy love each other very much?" "Look. Distraction." He ran as the girl turned around. "Hey, wait a minute. Since when did Kimahri start talking again?"

Rikku walked out into the street, forgetting the rules. Actually, the rules are almost non-existent because no one enforces it anymore. And they forgot about the killing time limit! How could they?  
"I wonder where everyone went. And why are there so many distractions going around?" She stopped as she crashed into a girl smaller than herself. She was tan, with dark brown hair and glasses. "Hey, are you okay?"  
The girl stared up at Rikku and giggled. "No. I am perfectly un-okay"  
"And you're happy about this"  
"Yep"  
"Hey, can you tell me what happens when a mommy and daddy love each other very much?" The girl started giggling maniaclly.  
"Finally! A chance to be perverted without being tickled." She jumped happily. "When a mommy and daddy love each other very much, something amazing happens! Well actually, this little miracle can happen with teenagers too. And lecherous old men and young girls. And stately older women and teenage boys. And you know Michael Jackson would be happier if the miracle of life could happen between a wacked-out popstar turned white who keeps making songs about his attraction to women even though we know it's not true, and little boys who stay the night at his house in his bed and say it's perfectly alright." Rikku stared at her. "I have no clue what you just said, but strangely I memorized every word of it."  
"When a mommy and daddy, or those other creepy people, love each other very much, they go into a bedroom, or wherever their kinky desires lead them, and then they -- "  
"Ree-Ree, you perverted little freak, stay there!" Lynx jumped down from the roof and landed on the sidewalk. "Is she okay?" Rikku poked her with her foot. The girl, now dubbed Ree-Ree, nodded in a wise manner.  
"If she was anyone else, this would of killed her. But since she's a moronic, pyromaniacal girl, she'll be fine"  
"You forgot a magiacal girl! I'm a magical girl in a sailor outfit who runs around spouting cheesey lines about love and friendship, and still manages to have high ratings!" She nodded happily and skipped off, surrounded but fluttering birds and butterflies, and looking all sugary and happy. An image she totally ruined as she started throwing fire. "THE BUTTERFLIES ARE STALKING ME! I'm not crazy, random passerbyer lady, I swear." This, of course, made Random Passerbyer Lady run away. "They're following me," Lynx whispered, crouching. "They know where I live." She ran off, leaving a scared looking Al-Bhed girl.  
"I think she's insane."  
"You notice this just now? We're all a little strange." She smiled and walked off, muttering to herself. "I need to put more work into the Humper Cars."

Auron was pissed off. P-I-S-S-E-D O-F-F. Reeeeally mad. Insanely, furiously, madly, mass-murderer-with-no-one-to-kill pissed off. He'd been innocently enjoying sitting and doing nothing but look like he had a stick up his ass. Then Lulu came in, and they both found out they had so much in common. Who knew they both liked word games? Like the one they were playing before they were interrupted.  
"Alright. Say the first word that comes to mind. Yuna"  
"Protect," Lulu said absently, cleaning her moogle.  
"Leech."  
"Tidus."  
"Suffering."  
"Wakka."  
"Acid pit."  
"Tidus and Wakka."  
"Lynx."  
"Adorable."  
"Ari."  
"Sadistic."  
"Seymour."  
"Bastard."  
"Auron."  
"Assless chaps," Lulu absently murmured with a smirk. Auron raised an eyebrow.  
"Really now." She looked up startled.  
"What?"  
"The first word that comes to mind with my name is 'assless chaps'?" She blushed. "That's two words. I asked for one word." He moved closer on the pretense of shifting to look at her.  
"You didn't object when I said 'Tidus and Wakka."  
"Because they'd deserve to be dropped in an acid pit." They were now moving closer.  
"I concur." They were moving closer still. "Hey! Lulu! Auron! I have a question for you."  
Lulu sighed. "Rikku."  
"Brat."  
"Hey guys, what happens when a mommy and daddy love each other very much." They stared at her. She interrupted their moment for this? If she waited a couple minutes, she might have gotten a demonstration. (o.O Ewwie) "I've already asked Lynx, Ari, Wakka, Kimahri, and a girl on the street, but no one's told me yet.  
Maybe they were feeling upset. Maybe they really wanted to help. All I know is, they decided to tell her. With diagrams.

Lynx was slumped over the kitchen counter, watching Lulu bustling around, humming softly. "You're in a good mood."  
"Yes."  
"Mind telling me who you killed so when the cops come we can say we haven't heard of him and Ari can erase all traces of him from the governments files?"  
"I haven't killed anyone. Physically anyway." She placed a bowl of salad on the table.  
"I don't like the sound of this."  
"Sure, we might of made her lose a little bit of her mind, but not much. And we were being educational." She checked the timer on the pizza. "Rikku, get off the floor. It's not hygienic." Ever since Rikku finally got the answer she'd been searching for, she had been curled in fetal position.  
"Don't care"  
"You will if you get STD's off the floor," Lynx said. Rikku scampered next to Lynx, away from the nasty ol' floor.  
"There are no STD's on the floor, Lynx. You're scaring Rikku."  
"Says the lady who used thunder the first thirty minutes she was here to keep Rikku away from her room."  
"Nonsense. There was a bug. Rikku, go get everyone from upstairs."  
Everything was going well until Rikku opened the gameroom door.  
"AHHHH! FORNICATION! YOU'RE GONNA GET PREGNANT, AND THEN YOU'LL LITERALLY BE MATRON!" Rikku ran away screaming at the top of her lungs. Have you noticed the tiny ones have the biggest lungs?  
Matron looked at the door startled. "Since when did you get pregnant from just kissing?" She asked Seymour.  
"When it evolves into more than just kissing."  
"Hey guys, what was Rikku screaming abou--" Yuna's head popped in, and she stared in shock.Then she glared at Matron. "You. Me. Soul Caliber. Now."

Lulu sighed as she heard the sounds of chaos upstairs. "Why can we never have a normal day in this house"  
"Because that would turn the world on it's axis," Tidus said.  
"'Cause the day that happens is the day we get tickets to the Ice Capades in Hell," Ari said.  
"The day I finish freezing Hell with this ice cube!" Lynx cheered, holding a non-existant piece of ice.  
"And that will be...?" Auron asked.  
"The day I get into Hell."  
"And that will be...?"  
"Never. Heaven doesn't want be, but Hell's afraid I'll take over." "Wonder why." "But worry not, for this means even if I die before you guys, we can still spend firever together!" Tidus shuddered.  
"Please no."

AN: Hey everyone! School's out! Whoo! School's actually been out for almost a month, I was just to lazy to update. I'm sorry. But I'm sure this was worth the wait. Right? Right? WHY WON"T YOU ANSWER ME?  
And now a random word from your authoress : Duckies. announcer voice Wasn't that wonderful! Hooray!  
And now a random thought from your authoress : I think Cain Fury would look good with long hair. He should still have his spiky hair, but he need a ponytail. We all know Havoc would love to play with Fury's hair.- We know.


End file.
